THIS MONTH - JUNE 2009

Dear Keren,

Our father died some months ago, leaving our mother quite alone after 60 years of marriage. Since that time our mother, now aged 86, has coped as best she can. She is however desperately lonely. The neighbours do what they can, those that are left that she knows. My brother lives abroad and I am a day's drive away. There is no other family nearby and her friends have either moved or died. She is still fiercely independent and will not entertain what she sees as "institutional" help and support. The loneliness is making her so depressed - it seems like a physical illness. Any ideas? - or can you suggest where we can go for help?

Susan, Gloucester

Dear Susan,

I'm afraid that your mother's situation bears witness to one of society's real challenges - almost half of people over the age of 85 have little contact with friends and more than a quarter have little contact with their family. Such acute loneliness is as debilitating as a physical illness. There is a national charity, Contact The Elderly, whose primary aim and focus is to organise social gatherings for lonely, older people just like your mother. Once a month in small local groups across the country, they organise afternoon tea in a volunteer's own home. According to Contact The Elderly, this simple, caring but powerful idea helps to combat depression and the general ill health created by loneliness. It gives people social contact in a friendly setting and allows people to build real friendships. Why not give them a call (0800 716543) or visit their web-site, www.contact-the-elderly.org.uk.

Regards,

Keren Smedley

Experience Matters

Every month, our life coach expert Keren Smedley of Experience Matters will offer her advice regarding a real-life, family/elderly care issue that you have raised.